Image taken from: https://crystalstine.me/
On September 4th of last year I wrote a blog post introducing you all to what I’d planned to be a series of posts counting down to my 40th birthday. Just a few weeks later, we were hit by Hurricane Florence and life took a series of different turns. Additionally, before I left the U.S. I wrote a few journal entries on what I wanted to gain from my experience in the U.K. Along with professional development opportunities, I wrote about having more reflection time, time to regroup, and remaining open to any other unexpected adventures beyond my imagination. One thing I didn’t anticipate was how this season of semi-solitude would enhance my faith. In consideration of my commitment to health and wellness, as well as welcoming an unexpected season of my life, this post draws on some of the parallels between my faith walk and my fitness walk.
Longevity
I have attended church for as long as I can remember, subsequently becoming one of those people described as having “grown up in the church”. A few weeks ago I was listening to a sermon and the pastor said those who spent much of their childhood in church need a special kind of therapy. Although he made the comment jokingly, I agree with him. Having spent so much time in church without the spiritual maturity to process or digest all I saw, heard, and experienced has tested my faith through the years. I have spent endless (and useless) amounts of time wondering how one can be so present in church and not display those very attributes outside the four walls of the sanctuary, within the larger community. I’ve been perplexed by theology that I consider harmful and hurtful to any representation of God, Jesus, or love. My response has often been prolonged periods away from church or any faith community.
I started running track around the age of 14 and cheerleading shortly thereafter. Once I become a cheerleader – with the sleeveless tops and uber short skirts – I also became more cognizant of my body. I don’t think I ever considered dieting or weight loss until I became a cheerleader. For nearly 26 years I have vacillated between being ultra-committed to my physical health and wellness to being completely dismissive. I’ve tried nearly every fad diet, often confused about the basic fundamentals of healthy eating and weight loss: more output than input equals weight loss … not magic diets or restricted eating, or unreasonable exercise routines – just a basic understanding of calories, energy expelled, and room for error. I have been at this for a long time and am hopeful that although life is a journey, I am entering a phase where there are less extremes and more balance with how I care for my body.
Staying in My Lane
I’ve watched people – some I know intimately, others I don’t – who manage their faith and spirituality in a multitude of ways. Some have never stepped foot into a church. Others are grounded in other faiths such as Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism, African spiritual practices, solo practices such as meditation, and some who proclaim no sort of religious or spiritual system at all but live a life of integrity (based on what I can see) and honor. At some point I have tried at least one element of them all, some longer than others – just trying to find my way and make sense of my life experiences, along with my spiritual needs. These explorations have taught me compassion. I now know that people have many routes to God. Had I not ventured away from my upbringing, I believe I would be tempted to devalue the beliefs, practices, and cultures of others. Simultaneously, while exploring I picked up a few nuggets for what I now call my own spiritual basket and have been reminded of some foundational things that are essential to my faith walk. I must be in community. Meditation (or prayer) on my own is not enough. I do believe in the power of prayer and have experiences when I’ve gained clarity by spending time in solitude – much like now 🙂 – but for me, these occasions must be coupled with being with others who share similar values, who are present with me to process thoughts and experiences, and who are available to teach, as well as be taught (i.e. “iron sharpens iron”). I must have a hearty worship experience. This doesn’t mean that every time I attend church, I need to sing my favorite songs (simply stated), but it does mean that watching sermons from the comfort of my home on a regular basis is not enough. And showing up to service just in time for the sermon is also inadequate. Praise and worship are parts of my spiritual experience. I need a faith (and spiritual home) that are applied and relevant to the here and now. I grew up hearing too much about “when Jesus returns” or the “sweet by and by” but I believe we are called to serve and evoke change now, thereby creating the best version of Heaven on Earth that is possible. I cannot be a part of a spiritual home that is “too Heavenly bound for any Earthly good”. And finally, while I have sampled other religions, I come back to my home base – the church and Christianity. I am grateful that I have been able to sift through many of the associated hurts and challenges of growing up in church. I am incredibly grateful for the amazing professors, preachers, and peers I met while attending seminary. And I am grateful for how my own devotion – especially as of late – that has helped me continue to mature in my faith in ways I didn’t cultivate when I was younger.
I have tried almost every fitness routine you can imagine! Cross Fit, boxing, running, cycling, walking plans, kettle bell workouts, outdoor boot camps … indoor boot camps, ladies only workouts, workouts at home, dance only workouts … you name it, I’ve tried it! When in actuality I know exactly what I like: walking (not running), cycling (outdoors or in a spin class), dancing, and other forms of fun group fitness. I HATE boot camp workouts. I have strong feelings about personal trainers :-). And while I see the need to challenge myself, I don’t like any workout I can’t enjoy. I have enough things in my life I have to do so when it comes to my workout I want to look forward to it on more days than not. I’ve watched and even been inspired by others – enough to try their fitness routines – but I always come back to the things I know and love. They work for me. I enjoy them. When done correctly, I see results. And the benefits are extended beyond exercise for my heart and body; I actually feel better, sleep better, am happier, and enjoy my life a little more.
It’s a Daily Practice
Being away from home has helped me see more than ever how much my faith walk is a daily practice. From my (now) morning and evening devotions to encounters I have with others, I have endless opportunities to be an example of Christ. When someone speaks an ill word or I am agitated by a student or feel I have been wronged by a colleague (or random stranger), I can choose compassion, forgiveness, and grace in that moment. I can choose my words carefully. I can choose my actions with even more care and caution. I can affirm that as often as possible, I want others to feel love, kindness, and joy when we spent time together. I may fail more than I’d like to, but at least I can try. For some these actions come easily and are not necessarily tied to any sort of faith or religious belief. For me, they do not come as easily and are intricately linked to trying to be a better person. I now know from many decades of experience that when left to my own interpretation, I don’t always choose the route I am most proud of, that is best for me, that is the most honest, or is the most honorable …
Likewise, being here I have a daily choice to be active and make wise food choices. There are more than enough social activities for me to get in to, more than enough delicious – but not always healthy – food, more than enough times when I can take the bus or a taxi. But I opt to walk to and from work as much as I can. I prepare healthy meals at home every week. I try my best to monitor and limit how many times a week I eat away from home. These are all baby steps, but when taken consciously on a daily basis they make a significant difference.
Other considerations
I need structured activity: committed time for devotions and church, as well as exercise and food prep.
I have always had wonderful role models: In addition to my mom raising me in church, I am especially appreciative of two of my aunts who invested an amazing amount of time in me throughout my life; they are my ultimate models of faith in action. Likewise I have a cousin who just celebrated her 50th birthday and has been a lifelong fitness fanatic – even alongside marriage, two children, and a robust career.
I feel all kinds of amazing when I am devoted to growing in both these areas. I feel purposed and whole when I am taking care of myself; in prayer, worship and devotion on a consistent basis; being more compassionate and forgiving; grounded in my faith; making wiser decisions; and physically active.
I always come back: no matter how far I “stray” I always come back to my faith walk and finding ways to be my healthiest self.
I feel as if I could write for days, but I think the point has been made. My life has included this consistent struggle with actively finding my place within my faith and living my life in such a way that I am consciously caring for my physical body. My revelations are by no means the end of the road, but the beginning of a new journey. I am grateful for this season and look forward to all that is ahead. This is my prelude to 40.