I listened to a sermon a few weeks ago about being single that resonated with me in more ways than I imagined, I wanted to share it with every single woman I know. But I also found that the sermon excluded a lot of people, types of relationships, and categories of intimacy. After wrestling with my options, I decided not to share the sermon. In lieu of sharing, I wrote this blog post.
Being single gets a bad rap. People tend to feel sorry for me or think there has to be something wrong with me. As a person who has been single for extended periods of time (mostly uncoupled officially, but dating, also known as “it’s complicated” :-)) and married, I can admit to thinking these very things about myself. But never in my life have I considered the blessings of being single. Yes, companionship is a wonderful experience. Being HAPPILY married is one of the best gifts I think one can have in life. However, I don’t think anyone who is in a relationship will deny that there are choices that have to be made. All healthy relationships include some compromises and perhaps even a few sacrifices. My healthy relationships have included foregoing some things, delaying some things, saying no to some things in order to say yes to what benefits our mutual interests or desires, as well as those things that may have been a more significant benefit for my partner.
When I was preparing for my semester abroad, a happily married colleague told me that reflecting on my freedom to accept this opportunity was the only time she wishes she was single. I chuckled and have never forgotten her statement. Had I been married and definitely married with young children, I do not think I would be in the U.K. There are a host of other last minute travel, adventure, and professional development opportunities that came about that I would not have been able to take advantage of had my circumstances been different. Perhaps, this sounds selfish or self-serving. Perhaps it sounds egotistical or self-indulgent. I offer an alternative approach: it is my opportunity to see the blessings of being single. It is my chance to spend less time thinking about when I will meet my partner and more time praying about how God can use me in this season. My relationship status provides a window to serve in ways, in places, and by means that utilize my gift of having more time, more energy, and more flexibility to do so.
I’m not going to spend any time or space talking about the unequivocal joys of couple-dom or motherhood – there are more than enough spaces for that. This post is exclusively dedicated to those who are single. For the first time in a long time, I am openly welcoming a prolonged season of being single. As my previous posts have alluded to, I’m excited about my renewed walk with Christ. I look forward to experiencing what it is like to devote my time and energy not to waiting for a date, going on a date, talking about the date – LOL – but to faithfully serving. I am not referring to the busy sort of serving to fill voids or to ignore my human desires or longings, but serving in a way that allows me to use my divinely given gifts to help others in the unique ways this season affords.
I used to give people two side eyes when they said they didn’t want to date or weren’t interested in companionship. What? I’ve always felt they were suppressing their desires or what I felt and still feel is a very human need: to be in community and have companionship. But I now know how detrimental and distracting it can be to exist within the wrong community or to be with the wrong companion. I now know how powerful God’s presence is in fulfilling us in ways no one or no thing can. I now know what it is like to say I have Christ and through Him I have a new sense of fulfillment.
Will I ever date again – perhaps. Will I ever remarry – maybe? While I leave doors open for God to fill, I know that I don’t want to waste any time looking at my single status as merely an in between time. I want to be fully engulfed in the gift and blessing of 1 Corinthians 7:34: “…and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit.”