Say Her Name: Dr. Antoinette Candia-Bailey – Black Women Be Well!

I want Black women to be well. I want Black women to be safe. I want Black women to be FREE. I want Black women to live long, healthy, vibrant lives free of daily assaults on our character, competency, intellect, and choices. I want Black women to be WELL!

The news of Dr. Antoinette Candia-Bailey’s death struck a chord in me. I have viewed various headlines and stories detailing some of her experiences, complaints and pleas, knowing there is still more to the story. I’ve not only reflected on my experiences within academia, but the countless stories I’ve heard from former professors, colleagues, friends, and faculty members I have coached. My heart is heavy, my thoughts plentiful and my grief deep.

I never met Dr. Candia-Bailey but I know far too many women who may share things in common with her. Women who show up and give their best because they actually enjoy their jobs. Women who somehow believe if they work a little harder, secure one more grant, publish one more article, their colleagues will finally affirm their right to occupy space. Women who sacrifice time and family and leisure at the expense of work, to only be asked to do MORE. BLACK women who are undervalued, stretched too thin and questioned at every juncture.

Similarly, I had an interesting work-related experience last week that triggered so many emotions. I am proud of myself for taking a step back and not responding in haste, as I wanted to. But that experience coupled with Dr. Candia-Bailey’s death, gave me extended reason to pause. Why was this bothering me so much? What did I and do I want to say? Is It necessary? And what is the desired outcome?  

What I realized is the request and very essence of the assumptions surrounding the request disregarded my boundaries. The request was encouraging me to do MORE without regard for my load or time. The request was without care or consideration of wellness, boundaries, peace, or autonomy.

I’ve taken the last few days to be still, to reflect, and to recollect my thoughts before the work week begins. Today I am reminding myself that it is MY responsibility to protect my boundaries and of a few practices I’ve put into place over the last few years to do so. I am also inviting you to do the same OR begin establishing habits that help you prioritize your wellness. And today I extend sincere love and affirming energy to every woman – every BLACK woman – who has ever felt stressed, pressed, dismissed, unappreciated and/or uncared for. I am thinking of you, Sis and do hope that you do every single thing within your power to become and remain WELL!

• My first introduction to formalized information on boundaries was through the work of Townsend and Cloud.  This work was foundational in me establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries, not only with work, but family and friends alike. Through the years I have continued to experiment with practices such as generously using my out of office automated response; not checking email after hours or during the weekend; having set office hours for student visits; saying no to additional service requests; resigning from committee and team work that no longer aligns with my values; and redirecting text messages about work to my email inbox.
• I have a therapist who I see consistently. This allows my friendships to be just that – friendships and not therapy sessions – as I continue to process LIFE.
• And finally, I have shared my re-commitment to my physical health and wellness. Dr. Candia-Bailey’s experiences and death are a reminder of why this is utterly important – a nonnegotiable! I WILL maintain my meditation practice. I WILL prioritize my workouts. I WILL feed my body nourishing and nutritious food. I WILL prioritize time with loving family and friends. I WILL embrace joy, laughter and play. I WILL remind myself that my job title does not define me and work is but a part of fulfilling my life’s purpose.
  

What are YOU doing to remain well? Are there practices you need to pick up again? New ones you can establish? Are there people, places and/or things that no longer deserve your time or energy? In what ways can you embrace a FULL life where MEANINGFUL work is an important part of it, but not the total justification for your existence or means of feeling valued?

Be well,

Sabrina