While I Was Away: On Growing Up and Shifting Seasons

I counted … I’ve gone on at least half a dozen group hikes since moving back to Atlanta. And this brings me immense joy! 

I – never in one million years – thought I’d be playing outside at this “big age” and it would not only fill me to overflow, but that hiking would become my preferred activity. A priority for my weekends. The desired way to spend my Saturday mornings. A reason to be in bed early on Friday night. An event to look forward to that is free.com. A way to meet new people, converse and move in community. Never, ever, in one million years did I ever imagine this would be my life! That these experiences in nature would become by happy place.

You see, for eight years I made at least one – most times, many – trips to Atlanta to see my people. With the exception of the height of the pandemic, these trips were often filled with nights out with friends, parties, visits to lounges, concerts and the like. Even when I started adding walks on the Beltline to my stays, these activities were couched between more time with friends at one social venue or another.

In my mind, once I relocated, I would have even more opportunities to frolic … at my leisure. Whenever I wanted. I would no longer have to wait until a special time of the year, i.e. undergraduate homecoming, or make an extended trip to Raleigh, Charlotte or Atlanta to be out and about in the city.

Imagine my surprise when I am back in the city I love so very much and those things that were overwhelmingly pleasurable and enjoyable in seasons of the past are the farthest from my mind. It has taken me a while to grieve and then accept that baby girl … you’ve grown up.

There was a time when the highlight of any trip was a night out, time on the dancefloor, hopping from one spot to the next or at some other crowded venue. But perhaps that was such a great thrill because these opportunities were few and far in between – sporadic times throughout the year at best. They were vacation. A getaway. In my day to day life now I prefer quiet. Calm. Selective community over a crowded space. Intentional conversations over random chats. Depth and substance over shallow and surface-level.

And, this is no shade to those who still enjoy any or all of the aforementioned. Instead, it is me sharing with you that something – somethings – I thought I couldn’t wait to get back to no longer align with my life. My values. My priorities. They no longer align with me.

Instead, I spend time in the places like the photos featured in this post (all taken by me during hikes over the last few months). I have yet to go on a hike and not leave inspired, calmer, feeling cared for and grateful to be able to move my body. After what I believe was my final hoorah at an early evening gathering a few weeks ago, I think I am hanging up my club – and any related venue – hat. For good.

You’d have to know me to understand the magnitude of this. I went to my first club around 15 years old while spending the summer in Philadelphia. Not only did this experience help me solidify my love of dancing, but also music and the contagious energy that could be generated in the places my cousin took me. In some way, shape, or form I’ve been an active patron of music festivals, dance venues, dance classes, music concerts and the like ever since.

But things have changed. People have changed. The world has changed. The nonstop movement has now been replaced with nonstop scrolling or streaming or people watching or alcohol consumption. As Goodie Mob said, “People don’t dance no mo, all they do is this ….” Cigar trends have taken over so spots that once carried the stench of sweat are now smoke-filled hazes. The thrill – at least for me – is indeed gone.

And I guess, today, I am okay with this. I have had an amazing run with a life filled with movement in every way imaginable. But now I prefer a more subtle form of moving my body. One that nurtures every part of me and allows me to explore nature’s beauty in ways I never have. Today and for the foreseeable time in the future, I am choosing a different dance floor. And I love this for me.