Reflections on My Academic Year of No: Better than I Imagined

Last August I wrote a post entitled “My Academic Year of No.” In a nutshell, I needed time. I needed space. I needed the bandwidth to reconsider my commitments, my relationships, my habits, my HEALTH. I honored the previous commitments I’d made, but with very very few exceptions, I said no to all else. Here is what happened.

I’ve documented my weight loss journey in a few places, including on my blog and social media pages. I am the first to admit that I recommitted to movement and intentional eating to lose weight. YES, I said it. I wanted to be in the body that I am most accustomed to, not the one I’d accumulated through stress eating and drinking, as well as limited creativity around recreational activities with friends. What I didn’t anticipate was that I would not only shed physical pounds but the equivalent of pounds in relationships, habits, thoughts and beliefs that no longer served me. As I lost weight, my entire lift began to shift. This has been a greatly appreciated and unanticipated blessing.

As I embraced my academic year of no, I also welcomed “no” in other areas of my life. This led me to declining invites to things that weren’t life giving. Lunches, dinners, teas, casual catch ups, phone calls, text message threads … if it wasn’t affirming for ME I declined to give it any energy.

I am a people-lover. I acknowledge that this sometimes translates to people pleasing activities, including over explaining myself. This is still a work in progress but am proud to say I’ve at least begun the critical work of eliminating the habit of over explaining my choices.

To that end, it has been helpful to discern who needed an explanation, a response or nothing at all. It completely baffles me and is quite heartbreaking that I don’t hear from folks for months – sometimes years – but they don’t think twice about texting or even calling me to ask for a favor. I quickly realized that anyone who knows me would NEVER do this. People who know me know how much I value true connection and friendship. People who know me know I don’t give to get, but they understand the value in asking me to do or pay for or support one more thing if and when we haven’t been in touch.

I love deeply. I’m not just talking about boo-thang love. I love my friends just as deeply, if not more so. And to my own default, I often grant them all-access passes without carefully considering how our relationship – or the mutual benefit – may have shifted through the years. To that end, I revoked every all-access pass and gave myself permission to constantly assess if and how a relationship aligned with where I am and where I am headed.

When I tell you I have learned A LOT about myself … this includes my commitment “stuff.” If I commit to something, more times than not I WILL see it through. This goes for projects, relationships, and practices. It can be hard for me to admit that this – or THEY – isn’t working for me anymore and let it go. In this season, I have given myself permission to recalibrate often. This includes changed plans, revoked access, shifted priorities. In a coaching community I am a part of, we call this assess and adjust.

And finally, I honored protecting my bubble. This meant clearing my physical space of toxic chemicals, sugar laden condiments and boxed foods with excess preservatives. I started the ongoing practice of making my home a sanctuary and healing space for me, as well as anyone who visits. But this also includes being super selective about WHO I allow in my space, HOW I spend my time and WHAT I give my energy to.

The benefits have been endless. Just to name a few, I have two book chapters that will be published this year; I’ve been able to lean more deeply into student mentorship AND focus on my main gig as a professor without being overly exhausted or stretched too thin; I’ve continued to see significant improvements in my health; when I let go of a plethora of shallow relationships, I could more intentionally lean into deeper connections; my rest is more peaceful; I’ve been able to reallocate my resources to more travel; for the 2nd time in three years, I received a national faculty coaching award; overall, my focus is renewed and I’m dreaming again; and finally, I have greater clarity and I now feel more ready to pursue new ventures.

How might giving yourself a little time is stillness help YOU recalibrate? Can you say “no” to the things you’re unsure of to help you say YES to what absolutely excites you? And how might one small – but significant – step in one area of your life lead to significant overflow in all other areas?