I’ve had a blog post in the making for months now. I intended to write in March and share details of my trip to Barbados. I planned to post in April and reflect on the end of the spring academic semester – my LAST one of its sort! I had hopes of sitting in June to celebrate 13 years of blogging with you! The time came and went. My schedule was overfull during many weeks. And the urges eventually waned. But this weekend I did SIT. I did pause. I did reflect, for a little longer than usual. I wanted to share and the sentiment remained.
This day, this time, this moment is one like none other.
On today I end a season. An era. A chapter. Perhaps, I am ending an entire book.
For eight years I’ve known a particular place. An employer. A neighborhood – the longest I’ve lived in one area and worked at one company. Ever.
For eight years I’ve experimented with habits, rituals, rhythms. I’ve tested the waters. I’ve shared space and made room for various friendships, as well as intimate partnerships.
I’ve toyed over and over again with what it means to BECOME. To unpack. To reinvent. To HEAL. To try again. To begin … AGAIN.
And today is the official, official end of that chapter.
I write this post with an overwhelming feeling of immense gratitude. I learned A LOT of lessons while living in North Carolina. I met my share of wonderful people. And experienced my serving of heartbreak.
I tried all the things. Tested all the waters. Asked all the questions. Sought all the answers.
I traveled. I taught with my whole heart. I engaged in research projects beyond my wildest dreams. I published. I collaborated. I mentored. I was mentored.
I launched a business. I hosted podcasts … THREE to be exact. I wrote for YOU. I traveled GLOBALLY to teach and write.
I fell in love with moving my body again. I fell in love with ME again. I embraced sobriety … October will be TWO years since I’ve had alcohol. I came HOME to my relationship with Christ again while embracing my love of and appreciation for multi-faith communities.
I laughed. I cried. I danced! I sang. I sat. I healed bits of me. I mended some relationships. I found my WELL-being. I let some people go. I opened my life to new and GREATER possibilities.
I accepted that while good, the place where I was residing was no longer GREAT for me. And again, while good – many of (not all) – the connections I’d made were shallow in comparison to the known depth, love and vulnerability of other relationships I’ve fostered. I FINALLY acknowledged there was and remains more.
So, for the last couple of months I’ve been transitioning. Buying things. Selling things. Downsizing. And UPGRADING.
Becoming reacquainted with some connections. Testing the waters, yet again. And fostering new rituals, as well as new relationships.
For the last couple of months I’ve been coming home to ME.
My faith is renewed – perhaps stronger and more mature than ever. My circle is ever shrinking as my focus increases related to all God has placed in my heart. All that is and is to become. My boundaries firmer. My vision clearer.
And y’all, I am WELL! Throughout the transition I’ve continued to prioritize movement. Sleep is better on some days than others, but rest is ever-present. I don’t recall the last time I was this excited and expectant about Sunday worship. I’ve been OUTSIDE. Festivals. Hikes. Yoga. Meetups.
And I am continuing to let go. Expectations. Former connections. Dreams of what I thought would become. Making room for what is.
Yes, I’m transitioning. I’m writing a NEW book in this journey called life. I’m giving thanks. I’m surrendering. I’m remaining close to the Lord. I’m moving on …
Part II coming soon.