CHOOSE Joy in Letting Go!

I am not sure when we begin to be socialized in owning things. Perhaps it is during infancy, when we’re taught “This is mine.” My toy. My mom. My dad. Mine. And somehow, we move into adolescence and then adulthood with this same desire to own … to cling … to possess. We refer to our partners as “my [insert title here].” We accumulate material things, sometimes with abandon and recklessness, for the sake of ownership. We attach to ideals of ourselves, as well as how others should be and respond, with rigidity and force. We enter and operate in an endless cycle of clinging and owning and possessing. But in this season, I am practicing – and inviting you to join me in – letting go! 

Perhaps, the most liberating thing we can let go of is expectations. When we speak of expectations, we often think of our expectations of others, but I am referring to expectations of ourselves. I have been guilty of holding myself to impossible standards. While I am unapologetic in my standard of excellence, I am learning to give myself more freedom in evolving and blossoming beyond previously held standards. 

About three years ago I went into a sort of cocoon AND I needed it! I retreated from much and most of what was causing me unnecessary pain and grossly inhibiting my ability to heal emotionally, as well as grow spiritually. Last year I began to emerge from the fold and this year feels like a full-on coming-out celebration! I have experienced joy, freedom, laughter, play, connectedness, purpose and intention like never before. But it hasn’t been easy to allow myself to be me without regard or regret. It hasn’t been easy to live in a new flow without judging myself or caring if others do the same.

As of late, I’ve found myself having an internal tug with who I was in a former season and who I am, as well as what I need, in this season. I am learning what it means to practice self-directed grace, both in acknowledging that the rituals I clung to in the last season were desperately needed while also accepting that it is okay to let go of this standard as I move into, fully live into, and experience JOY in this new season. 

Our second most common inkling seems to be clinging to other people. I love love. I love deeply. I love widely. Sometimes, I love with abandon. I have had my share of clinging to people – not just in romantic relationships but in friendships as well. I am gaining an ever-increasing appreciation for letting people go or taking significant space from them. 

I wish we would normalize seasonal relationships! As much as we know not everyone is meant to travel our entire life journey with us, we still seem to fight this normal part of life. But more and more, I am feeling less guilty for letting people go. It doesn’t mean I love them less or wish them harm. But it does mean the former relationship – as we knew it – no longer exists. AND that is okay. I am embracing this more and releasing any expectation that I have to overextend myself explaining it to others. I give myself permission to love people from afar. I am letting go of my attachment to people. 

And finally, I find that we cling to activities. My accumulation of things to do always happens so subtly. One by one, I commit to something new – a new project, a new engagement, a new activity. Before I know it, I am stretched, exhausted, and often, feeling unappreciated. And perhaps the most disheartening part is that I often lack the courage to bow out gracefully. 

I HAVE gotten better with saying, “This no longer serves me” and ending my commitments on an amicable basis. But as of late, I have also experienced the amazing blessing of things moving themselves out of my way. When I didn’t have the words, or the strength, or the wherewithal to say “This needs to end”, the thing – whatever it may have been – ended on other terms. For this, I am grateful. I am letting go of endless, busy, one-sided activities. 

Perhaps, you are far beyond me in the discernment of letting expectations, people and/or activities go. If so, I commend you! But if you aren’t, this post is my short testimony and invitation to inspect your life. What things have you clung to that no longer serve you? In what areas of your life have you caged yourself or allowed others to do so? What are you still showing up for out of obligation only, and no longer because it aligns with who and where you are in this season? What can you let go of?